Just be...

It's spring break. How is this possible? This semester has flown by...that's how it always is, isn't it? I know it's partly because I love school, though it's sometimes overwhelming and it doesn't seem like I'm too fond of it. I think it is also because I have a goal and the deadline is in sight. What is that goal? I couldn't tell you. I'm not sure. So why am I fighting so hard to reach it? That's a really good question. I'd say it's due to a lack of contentment.

There are things all of us want. Specifically, as Americans, I think what most of us want is selfish, idealistic, and/or materialistic. I wouldn't consider myself very materialistic. I'm the person who asks for practical things for Christmas like windshield wipers and laundry detergent. Idealistic and selfish, though, could quite possibly be used to describe me, and I display that far more in my relationships than anything else. I want things to be as perfect as they can be (considering we're all human and are bound to mess up) and won't be content until they are. It's frustrating. And of course, frustration only makes it worse. I could take this in a biblical direction, but I don't want to preach--to myself or anyone else. Just looking at it practically has enough implications of its own. Why can't people simply be content? I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want more; lacking contentment until we have it is the problem. By desiring some ideal of which I'm not even aware, I'm setting myself up for disappointment, as is everyone who does the same. Why can't I just be, now, and not pay attention to what's lacking? Here's my plan I'm going to try: whenever I'm with someone or talking to someone, I'm not going to think about twenty-seven other things. I'm not going to consider my presuppositions of them--how they've annoyed me or let me down, characteristics I don't like about them, etc. I don't know what this will look like when applied, but we'll see. I want to be content with people. I want to finish this year having not failed in striving for some unrealistic goal...what good would that do? I want to finish it having enjoyed it with the people who contribute so much value to my life.